OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
