Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
