how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
