Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize