Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
