you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
