you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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