I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
