I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
