I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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