I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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