I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
