And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
