Your face is a jimmy john
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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