she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
