Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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