I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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