from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
