Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
