the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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