yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
