I'm eating all of the evidence.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
