At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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