Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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