Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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