ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
