my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
