Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
