Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
