At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
