Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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