I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
