I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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