why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
