The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
