Betty ford says i'm here all night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
