dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
