my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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