you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
