I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
