I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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