Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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