i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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