I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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