i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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