Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
