im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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