so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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