Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
