There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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