I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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