new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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