Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
