Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
