i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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