I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
