And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
