Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
