so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
