Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
