wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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