I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
