I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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