this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
