I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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