She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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