Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
