I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
