Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
