Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
