You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
