why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
