i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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