Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
