i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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