We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize