If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
