Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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