Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
