Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
